Are the Dumb people Only on MY Flight?

I have been gone for a while, occupied with things other than writing, which has included a lot of travel recently for work. Airplanes aren’t made for me. I am a big man but nobody has tried to charge me for taking up 2 seats, so that’s a good thing. Heaven forbid, however, I have to sit next to someone my size, for then we both sit huddled with shoulders rolled forward so as not to disturb each other. Why can’t I sit next to a small person just once?

I flew twice in the past 2 weeks and I now have a greater sympathy for those who must travel regularly for their job. The Pope should offer a traveller’s blessing. “Bless you my child, you are earning a greater place in Heaven as you fly in narrow seated overcrowded tin cans that charge for everything you need these days”. I now understand that there are considerate and inconsiderate travellers as well. If you are one of the less considerate dummies I was travelling with, I have a different kind of wish for you. “I wish you were already home and not with me on this plane”.

II guess I was just trying to be kind, or maybe I have just been wearing blinders, because folks, there are some really dumb travellers out there.

“Why Bagman, how can you say such things? ”

Have you travelled on a plane lately?  No fewer than 5 times between the parking lot to the security gate there are signs that say “if your carry-on luggage is bigger than THIS, then don’t bring it on. CHECK IT!” There are still more signs, luggage boxes to check size, etc. before you get to the gate. Obviously, they should have bells, lights and other alarms on them, since most people must not feel that those signs are meant for them. Silly me. I always thought they applied to me, so I bring one carry-on, like it says to.

“Certainly they don’t mean me?” “You mean they expect me to check my full size guitar?” Or subsitute any of the following that I saw just in the past two trips: baby carrier, cardoard box with carrying straps,  stroller, multiple stacked rolling suitcases AND a gigantic backpack that by no means will fit under the seat.

What happens between the entrance to the airport and boarding of the plane baffles the senses. It says clearly “1 carry-on and 1 personal item”. No real mystery to it. Ah, but Sherlock Holmes would struggle to solve this dilemma.

There are 150 seats on the plane, so there is enough overhead storage for 150 bags and underseat storage for 150 small items. Therefore, having a basic degree of common sense and apparently genius level reading skills (sarcasm), I would expect 300 items to come on the plane with the 150 people. Right?  Oh stop it. What planet are you from?

“You mean each person only takes only their allotted space? Silly me!”

Obviously, some people feel entitiled to bring as much on the plane as they want. “NO PROBLEM” must be the attitude of the  check-in personnel at the gate, (how kind of the airlines to hire the visualy impaired for those positions). On my last flight, 300 items were brought onto the plane by the first 100 people, leaving no space for the bags the the last 50 people are trying to bring in. This resulted in long periods of time where people marched up and down the aisle looking for spaces for their bags. I ended up having to go 7 rows back to put my bag overhead and I was lucky. Several had to have their bags taken off and checked from the plane. I understand that United and other airlines charge for checked bags. I paid the fee.  If you don’t like it, fly Southwest, where 2 bags fly free.

Flight attendants were standing on seats to rearrange luggage that didn’t fit and pasengers  had to swim upstream like fat salmon trying to get back to their seats, bumping me each time they pass by, since I like the aisle seat. No worry. The bruises are healing with time and the mild concussion should be fine they say…..

” Who am I?”